Going through it again.

I have been here too many times before.
The ups, the downs, the unexpected tears, the unstoppable tears.
The whys, the longing, the heart just aching.

Here we go again.

I do not want to do it again. I do not want to be here again—but it is not my choice. It never has been.

We do not get to choose when we grieve or who we grieve. Only, to some degree, how we grieve. Some ways are healthier than others, but each our own. Whatever it takes to get us through the next minute, next hour.

No one escapes it. Across all walks of life, we will all go through it at some time.

Maybe you will be very young the first time. Maybe very old. Maybe somewhere in the middle.
Maybe it is a distant loss. Maybe it is someone at your core—your parent, child, partner, or best friend.

Maybe it is long and drawn out. Maybe it happens in an instant.

They are all hard. The mechanisms are different—but the deep, unrelenting pain is the same.

Grief is not contained to three bereavement days.

Three days, and you are expected to return to “normal.”
But life as you knew it is gone.

It is four months today.
Four months since I woke up that Friday morning and found you there.

What they do not tell you about grief is that the person who has passed is not the only one you will grieve.

You will grieve yourself.

The person you were before your soul shattered is gone too.
You will grieve your joy, your faith, your carefreeness, your future.

Everyone has an opinion.

They will quietly judge your grief.
Are you functioning? Are you eating?
Maybe you should redecorate.
She’s still crying—it has been four months.
She’s not crying—does she even care?

They will try to explain grief to you. Offer groups. Suggest people you can talk to—because your sadness is too much for them.

Some will expect you to find a bright side.
Some will be unknowingly hurtful.
And some will show a level of kindness, compassion, and presence you will never forget.

Although universal, grief is deeply personal.

I do not know how it will go for you. I only know how it is going for me this time.

And next time—and unfortunately there will be a next time—it may be different.

You can tell once you have been through it.
The difference between loss and grief.

It is four months today.
Four months since I found you there.

I would love your feedback, comments, or your stories.

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